Dearest Escrow Company,
I hate your stinking guts. You make me sick.
Your job is to make my life easy. You're supposed to gather and organize. You're supposed to know your shit. This does not include calling me 20 minutes before I'm scheduled to arrive at your office and suggest that maybe we sign on another day. This does not include calling me at 12:30 in a mad panic to get paperwork signed (that you forgot to include in the original signing, so it's your fault really) by 4:00 and then never emailing it or returning my multiple phone calls. This does not include forgetting to get the deed from the seller until the day before we close, thusly pushing closing back to the next business day which is essentially four days due to a holiday weekend.
I hate you.